I've probably posted this here before or you likely have seen it elsewhere but it is always good to remind people of our history lest they forget and it is also good to tell our youngsters so they learn the important things about life. In keeping with my desire to further the education of one
and all, here is today’s history lesson, with a little humor to liven it up.
The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Beer required grain and that
was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. The wheel
was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the
foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the
splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were less skilled at hunting
(called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter')
learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and
doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing.
This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men “evolved” into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include
the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the
concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
Conservatives provided. Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by
the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer (with lime
added), but most prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare. Another
interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone
levels than their men. Most college professors, social workers, personal injury
attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and
community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and
invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their
women. Conservatives are members of the
military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives,
athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide
what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed
and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a
momentary urge to angrily respond to this post. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true
believers and to just piss-off more liberals.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self. I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks, right after post this.
All the best,