Saturday, April 22, 2017

So Speaking About Costco (as I did in my previous post)...

...I figured I should share why at least one person will no longer be shopping there:


Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had? An elephant? So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that "No, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet, again".

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a "Perfect Diet.” The way it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well and I was going to try it again.

Now I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me?

I told her "No, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me".

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was howling with laughter as he rolled on the floor. The rest of the folks were just bent over and laughing.

Now it's not that I don't want to shop at Costco any more. It is that Costco won't let me shop there anymore and they revoked my Costco card.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say."
All the best,

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