After all folks, this is it, today is the absolute best holiday of the year throughout the universe - it is Groundhog Day. It is perfect holiday of the year as far as I am concerned. You don't need to do a gosh darned thing today to celebrate today and that is one of the things that makes this holiday so special to me - you can enjoy it just for the sake of enjoying it - or you can say screw it and act as if it never happened.
Unlike Christmas and birthdays you don't need to bust your hump shopping for the perfect gift or worrying if Fred and Wilma or Ralph and Alice are going to like what you got them. You needn't worry about getting a gift, from someone dear, that doesn't fit or that you hate and then having to lie through your face to tell the gift giver how wonderful it is. Then what do you do but sneak off the day after to return it to the store. No gifts on Ground Hog Day - no obligations of any sort - stress free as it should be.
As opposed to Thanksgiving you needn't fret about all the guests coming over and who likes to eat what. You don't have to get up at 0600 to start cleaning out the gizzards, making the stuffing, stuffing it into the bird, sewing it up, throwing it in the oven only to have to start really preparing the rest of the meal after that. Nor do you need to watch all the slobs gobble it down and then hear and smell their farts during coffee and dessert. Then when the day is done for everyone else, and all those bums have headed toward their hovels, it is not yet done for you who still has to do the dishes. Ground Hog Day though is another story, it is done when the sun sets because there was no special meal, no guests, no farts (well maybe a few but they were your own) and no big lot of dishes either; nope it ain't Thanksgiving (which is better than Christmas) and thus it is grand.
It's even better than Halloween and Halloween is easy. All you gotta do is buy some candy and answer the doorbell about 300 times hoping that none of the neighborhood kids are waiting to egg your head as you open to door expecting to hear trick-or-treat. There aren't even any kids who come begging for treats and no suspicious mom's giving you the evil eye (as they weigh your potential as a serial killer) if you throw an evil apple in to their little darling's trick-or-treater's bag. You don't even have to worry about what to do with he leftover candies, not that I worry - I just eat them - that is if my wife doesn't throw it all out.
Then there is valentines day, one of the biggest BS holidays ever. It apparently is Hallmark's excuse, when nothing else is happening in the dead of winter, for making you feel lame and guilty if you have a sweetheart and don't at least buy her a card and a heart shaped box of sweets. Nope, there is not even any card buying on Ground Hog Day let alone buying the overpriced but crappy tasting candy. Then again, on Ground Hog Day, neither do you have to think about what to do should you decide to invite a neighborhood gang of hoodlums into your garage for the blast of their lives. You know, no concerns about cleaning up all the blood that is rapidly soaking into your garage floor and smeared and dripping down the walls should you decide to machinegun the local mobsters. Stuff like that just doesn't happen when that little rodent rules the day.
Heck, Ground Hog Day is even better than Festivus for the rest of us. On GH Day there is no need to go searching far and wide for presents, no ornaments for a Christmas tree or lights for a menorah, just plain unadorned aluminum poles - always the right height and shape. Neither is there any need to try to think up a list of Festivus miracles. It isn't necessary to air a list of grievances and piss people off, nor to then engage in feats of strength (which if after the airing of grievances could wind up being a family fight). Nope, today is a stress free holiday, just grab one of your favorite liquid refreshments and enjoy it - anything from a tall glass of water to hot cocoa to a swig or three of white lightening.
There is absolutely none of the worry, stress or BS today associated with the other holidays - at least not for me. That makes it about the most convenient and easy going day to celebrate and thus most enjoyable holiday of them all. Just about the only one(s) truly inconvenienced today are those plump, furry little rodents - the groundhogs. Either they are sleeping off the winter, shivering off their rodent arses in a damp and dingy hole in the ground somewhere or they are being pulled from their cozy, warmer than outside, burrows by crazy men in top hats and tails to be put on display in a whimsical farce to see how much longer winter will last and to stir up the doldrums of the winter economy in small towns in the NE, or they are getting shot at by varmint hunters (in warmer weather)and maybe are thrown into the pot with some taters and greens by a hillbilly somewhere.
Nope, none of the worries of the other holidays, none of the stress, none of the hoopla (except in Punxsutawney and like bergs) and that makes it fine by me. And that's why I like it so much. As for the little fat furballs, don't let them fool you - they like it too, at least the ones lucky enough to be on display. They get some nice juicy carrots and corn on the cob for their efforts all the while basically make fools out of tens of thousands of people who believe their so called predictions for the arrival of spring each year. As for me, I know when spring will arrive. It will get here in 46 days and a wake up. So whether or not those little bucktoothed vermin stay out and enjoy the weather or run and hide from their own shadows - winter will last until spring has sprung which will be in 6.57142857 weeks after today. Thank the heavens for those furry little bastards; fricasseed, roasted, stewed or fried - or even alive - you gotta love em cause they sure gave us the best holiday ever.
All the best,
Glenn B
Unlike Christmas and birthdays you don't need to bust your hump shopping for the perfect gift or worrying if Fred and Wilma or Ralph and Alice are going to like what you got them. You needn't worry about getting a gift, from someone dear, that doesn't fit or that you hate and then having to lie through your face to tell the gift giver how wonderful it is. Then what do you do but sneak off the day after to return it to the store. No gifts on Ground Hog Day - no obligations of any sort - stress free as it should be.
As opposed to Thanksgiving you needn't fret about all the guests coming over and who likes to eat what. You don't have to get up at 0600 to start cleaning out the gizzards, making the stuffing, stuffing it into the bird, sewing it up, throwing it in the oven only to have to start really preparing the rest of the meal after that. Nor do you need to watch all the slobs gobble it down and then hear and smell their farts during coffee and dessert. Then when the day is done for everyone else, and all those bums have headed toward their hovels, it is not yet done for you who still has to do the dishes. Ground Hog Day though is another story, it is done when the sun sets because there was no special meal, no guests, no farts (well maybe a few but they were your own) and no big lot of dishes either; nope it ain't Thanksgiving (which is better than Christmas) and thus it is grand.
It's even better than Halloween and Halloween is easy. All you gotta do is buy some candy and answer the doorbell about 300 times hoping that none of the neighborhood kids are waiting to egg your head as you open to door expecting to hear trick-or-treat. There aren't even any kids who come begging for treats and no suspicious mom's giving you the evil eye (as they weigh your potential as a serial killer) if you throw an evil apple in to their little darling's trick-or-treater's bag. You don't even have to worry about what to do with he leftover candies, not that I worry - I just eat them - that is if my wife doesn't throw it all out.
Then there is valentines day, one of the biggest BS holidays ever. It apparently is Hallmark's excuse, when nothing else is happening in the dead of winter, for making you feel lame and guilty if you have a sweetheart and don't at least buy her a card and a heart shaped box of sweets. Nope, there is not even any card buying on Ground Hog Day let alone buying the overpriced but crappy tasting candy. Then again, on Ground Hog Day, neither do you have to think about what to do should you decide to invite a neighborhood gang of hoodlums into your garage for the blast of their lives. You know, no concerns about cleaning up all the blood that is rapidly soaking into your garage floor and smeared and dripping down the walls should you decide to machinegun the local mobsters. Stuff like that just doesn't happen when that little rodent rules the day.
Heck, Ground Hog Day is even better than Festivus for the rest of us. On GH Day there is no need to go searching far and wide for presents, no ornaments for a Christmas tree or lights for a menorah, just plain unadorned aluminum poles - always the right height and shape. Neither is there any need to try to think up a list of Festivus miracles. It isn't necessary to air a list of grievances and piss people off, nor to then engage in feats of strength (which if after the airing of grievances could wind up being a family fight). Nope, today is a stress free holiday, just grab one of your favorite liquid refreshments and enjoy it - anything from a tall glass of water to hot cocoa to a swig or three of white lightening.
There is absolutely none of the worry, stress or BS today associated with the other holidays - at least not for me. That makes it about the most convenient and easy going day to celebrate and thus most enjoyable holiday of them all. Just about the only one(s) truly inconvenienced today are those plump, furry little rodents - the groundhogs. Either they are sleeping off the winter, shivering off their rodent arses in a damp and dingy hole in the ground somewhere or they are being pulled from their cozy, warmer than outside, burrows by crazy men in top hats and tails to be put on display in a whimsical farce to see how much longer winter will last and to stir up the doldrums of the winter economy in small towns in the NE, or they are getting shot at by varmint hunters (in warmer weather)and maybe are thrown into the pot with some taters and greens by a hillbilly somewhere.
Nope, none of the worries of the other holidays, none of the stress, none of the hoopla (except in Punxsutawney and like bergs) and that makes it fine by me. And that's why I like it so much. As for the little fat furballs, don't let them fool you - they like it too, at least the ones lucky enough to be on display. They get some nice juicy carrots and corn on the cob for their efforts all the while basically make fools out of tens of thousands of people who believe their so called predictions for the arrival of spring each year. As for me, I know when spring will arrive. It will get here in 46 days and a wake up. So whether or not those little bucktoothed vermin stay out and enjoy the weather or run and hide from their own shadows - winter will last until spring has sprung which will be in 6.57142857 weeks after today. Thank the heavens for those furry little bastards; fricasseed, roasted, stewed or fried - or even alive - you gotta love em cause they sure gave us the best holiday ever.
All the best,
Glenn B
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