On a U.S. Citizen Becoming an Illegal Alien by Anon.

Today I received one of those emails, from my friend Gerry S., that just has to be shared with anyone who will read it. I obviously do not have the email addresses of those of you who read my rants, so I figured to post it here. Here it is; and remember that after you read it, you may want to pass it on, not only to friends, but also printed and signed and in a stamped envelope addressed to your elected officials:

Becoming Illegal (From an Iowa resident to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building Phone
(202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the procedures for becoming an illegal alien, and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premium payments. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to becoming illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance. Your Loyal Constituent,

(Insert Your Name)

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this on to your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!

That was it, in its entirety as sent to me. I have to admit, I find it woderfully written and quite amusing, but I also think that if enough of our elected officials received this letter, they may get the point. My copies will be in the mail today to Senators Clinton and Schummer and to Representative McCarthy.

All the best,
Glenn B
rr