Friendship...

...is a treasure, or at least that is the way I see it. All true friends are good ones even though some friendships last and others do not. Friends come and go that is just part of the nature of friendships. The best thing about friendship is/are, I think, one's lasting friend(s).

Lasting friends are ones who create a bond of friendship with you that overcomes many obstacles to friendship. Such friends are the ones who despite their own personal feeling about things, despite how their feelings disagree with your own, despite how both of you disagree on issues such as politics, religion, the weather, gun control, sports, hobbies, how to raise a child, whether or not to have children, abortion, crime and punishment, abortion, who will win the girl, how to spend time together as friends, how to bake a cake, how to climb a mountain, how to kill some time, what type of booze to drink, always wind up there to accept you as their friend.

I certainly am not the best at making friends, so when I make one I have tried to be a friend like that to my friends. While I never give it any conscious thought in developing a friendship, I guess I always have always thought, in the back of my mind, that anyone to whom I give my friendship in that way would do likewise to me. So it is always a pretty hard blow to bear when one, or more than one, wind up breaking that friendship over something truly inconsequential in the greater scheme of things. It hurts a lot.

At times when you lose a friend, either because of some disagreement through which you can not bear your friendship any longer, or because of separation due to moving away, or possibly due to death, well at those times you hurt. You have lost a part of yourself when you lose a friend. Recently I lost a couple of friends. When I look at it now, I am pretty certain they never shared the feeling of friendship I had toward them with like feelings of friendship toward me; maybe they did, but now I doubt it. Nonetheless I had considered them my friends if only through ignorance that they did not return the amenity to me, no that is not right - even had they been simply neutral on the subject I still would have held them as friends. I guess it did not matter much to me at the time if I considered them my friends and they considered me likewise. I sort of thought they might not, but nonetheless I offered my friendship to them; I certainly never thought they despised me. Now that they have cut me off, over one of those truly silly inconsequential things, maybe it is for the best; time will tell, though right now it does hurt.

With that loss, I thought about other friends of mine. I guess I was trying to seek solace of a sort in thoughts of others who have befriended me, or whom I have befriended, over the years. Some of them, I have not seen in years; yet I know they are still my friends. One called me a few months ago, one who I have not seen in probably over 15 years. He called to tell me he had retired and moved to Florida, and that I should get my ass down to his place for a fun stay. I have not yet taken him up on it, but you can bet I will. You may wonder why I have not seen in him in such a long time. Well I guess it was because he cut himself off from contact with me. No it was not over anything silly or inconsequential, nor was it over any serious consequential disagreement between us. He had cut himself off, even before I had last seen him, mainly because he had a problem with which he needed to cope. He was advised that his problem could best be coped with by changing his lifestyle drastically, so he did just that and he saw very little of his old friends over the many years to follow. He succeeded in changing his lifestyle. He settled down, and he has a wonderful family. Heck he even made it to retirement. He did all this while having to break away from dear friends. I understand completely, and I was never sore at him about it. Had he ever come to me I would have been there for him, and I would hope he would have been there for me. I am sure he would have as evidenced by his recent offer to me. Our friendship never died, I cannot believe it ever will.

I have other friend like that; ones who for some reason or another got separated from me, or I from them, but we remain friends. I see them somewhat more often than the one I mentioned above. It is nice to see the welcoming look in there eyes when they greet me. I recently visited one of those friends, he lives in Wyoming.

Don, that is his name of choice, is one of those friends that you rarely make in a lifetime. I don't mean that you rarely make good friends in a lifetime, I think some folks have few and some have many, but just about anyone can make several. What I mean about Don being a rare friend is that while Don and I do often see eye to eye, we also often rub each other the wrong way. Rubbing each other the wrong way is usually more likely to cause friction, and maybe even a nasty fiery relationship between folks than it is to wind up being a longtime bond of good, or really good, friendship. On top of Don being a friend, despite our the friction that sometimes come up between us, Don is not just a friend, he is one of my best friends. Our friendship is truly a treasure that I hold dearly.

I had seen Don, only once, in many years, since he was transferred to El Paso, TX. We had both worked the same job, he was my supervisor; and somewhere along the way we developed a friendship. I guess I should note it was pretty soon after meeting one another. Despite the fact that I often did not see eye to eye with my supervisors, including Don at times, we got along well. I do not often make friends at work, but when I do they are usually good ones. Don wound up among the best of friends. I don't know exactly why it is that we are such good friends. Sure we have some of the same likes and dislikes, but we are still very different about many things. I guess one of the major reasons we get along as well as we do is because of acceptance, and note I did not say tolerance. We are sometimes quite intolerant of each other, that is in both of our natures; yet no matter how intolerant we are of one another, no matter how much we can disagree on something, no matter how much we rub each other the wrong way, no matter how really angry we can get with one another, we always wind up remaining good friends with one another.

In fact, we are such good friends, that when I recently thought of visiting Don for the Christmas Holidays, he was right up for it. Within a day though it seemed my plans were to fail. I had second thoughts thinking about leaving my family for the holidays, even though I was pretty sure my wife would say okay, and my kids would live with it. Then I started to check air fares anyhow. It wound up that if I was to travel within a week, I would save over $250, or there about, in air fare. I contacted Don again, and he said he would be pleased to have me see him within a week. I knew that was short notice but if okay by him, I would go for it. I spoke to my wife and she put the Kibosh on it. Then hours later she recanted and told me to go for it saying: "You only live once". Within about 8 days, I was on a plane to Denver to visit Don. I flew to Denver, CO where he picked me up, then drove me to his place in WY.

Don's closest neighbors are several miles away, and in different directions from him. He virtually lives in the middle of the high plains or foothills of the Rockies. He lives with two cats. Don is not the greatest people person I know, though he gets along with some and grandly at that. I know he also winds up in fiery disputes with others who he has called friend. After some of those explosions, I guess he loses some of those whom he had thought were his friends. We have had a few of those encounters ourselves; it isn't as easy to shake me off, and Don knows it. We know we are one another’s' good friend. I spent a nice week with him at his place, and visiting the better gun shops within about 125 miles of his place. We shared some good German Beer, and quite a few others he had in his coffers, as well as sharing some really decent Scotch Whiskey. We also shared some good bull shit sessions about nothing to something. When Don dropped me off at the airport back in Denver at the end of my stay, he said he hoped I had enjoyed myself. I think there was some doubt in his mind that I had done so.

Heck the only thing I could have thought of to have had a better time would have been to have hiked out to the nearest big hill from his house for a day. That was not done because of some guy driving around out on the hills near his place. Maybe a hunter, maybe a whacko, so we stayed at his place and enjoyed some beers and a movie, and maybe some Scotch. He really liked the movies I picked up for him: The Fifth Element, From Dusk Till Dawn, Pulp Fiction. So I missed a hike, that is okay by me, more of an excuse to visit Don again, I will do it next time.

But I digress, so let me get back to the point, Don is one of my best friends. It is a true treasure to have friends like him, and it hurts like hell when you lose a friend like the other ones I recently lost. If you ever lose a friend, or worse yet, if you ever are rudely awakened to find out that those to whom you freely gave your friendship really only believed you to be no more than a rude bastard, whom they would tolerate so long as it was to their benefit, then just remember the good friends you have. You can always find sojourn and solace in them, even without them being there in person. Even if there is only one, that friend is enough to get you through hard times.

I thank all of those good friends of mine whom I have thought of over the past day, who have made my loss a thing easier to live with.

Keep hold of your good friends as you can, they are a treasure indeed, a treasure beyond compare.

All the best,
Glenn B