That was kid stuff though, rubber bands were and are a lot more evil than shooting em off of your fingers. Don't know what I mean - oh come now sure you do and you know because you probably did it but just don't want to admit it. The next step up was the rubber band launched off of the ruler trick. It was a pretty simple step up from shooting them off your finger, but with a ruler you got a lot more velocity and there fore a lot more ouch on the receiving end. Another things about shooting them off of rulers was the fact that you could put about at least a dozen of em stretched onto a ruler, and fire em off rapidly with just repeated flicks of your thumb. Sort of a rubber band machine gun.
Those things pale though when you consider other atrocities that are caused by the evil rubber band. I was up on my uncle's farm one day several years ago and the talk got to farm animals of which he had several such as goats, sheep, and a darned big porker. He got to talking about different things and brought up a subject he had breached to me a few times over the years as far back as when I was a young teen. That subject was rubber bands, and although he did not call them evil it was obvious to a smart fella like me that yes indeed that is just what they were - evil as sin. I mean here was my uncle telling me about all the uses of them that he knew about throughout the years and one of em was to emasculate farm animals. Yep, you heard me right, to cut of the nuts of a young male pig or bull or sheep or whatever. I told him he was crazy but he insisted that in days of old a farmer who wanted a more docile animal - a steer so to speak - would wrap a rubber band around the testicles of a young bull or other farm animal and sooner of later they would die off, shrivel up and fall off likes nuts falling out of a oak tree. I again reminded him he was crazy but he stuck to his guns.
My uncle was a learned man (Cornell) and he also told me of another ruse, this one on humans. No not to make them sing alto, I did say another use! He swore to me that in the days when doctors were fewer and further between, and cars were less available, all within his lifetime, that there had been a sure fire cure, a self cure mind you (otherwise one done by only the most intimate of friends and they really would have had to have liked you a lot) for hemorrhoids. Yep, just the same as the farm animal nuts. Wrap the rubber band tightly as you can around the base of a roid, and sooner of later that dies off and falls off too. I cannot imagine the scar it must leave. Let me correct that last, oh yes I can but without giving out too much information allow me to say not because of having ever done that with a rubber band. Ouch - that is evil indeed I don't care if the result is a blessed event, the means is just too nasty.
For years I just thought my uncle a harmless kook when it came to these things; in other words I just did not believe him. Then one day I found a farm supply catalogue. It had a whole slew of bands and banding devices for castrating animals advertised on one page. There were rubber bands of various sizes, all thick as you could imagine, and all requiring a stretching device to open em wide enough to get em over the obstacles and into place. Sort of a pair of pliers that worked in reverse. Man those rubber bands are evil indeed. Look at all the nasty things that people thought up because of them, and all the pain they inflicted because of them.
Of course it wasn't always the rubber band itself that caused the pain. Sometimes just like guns it was not the object that we wish to call evil or ban that causes the actual harm but rather the projectile they fire that does the evil deed itself. So like a gun needing bullets, the rubber band was left needing something to fire. Leave it to the mind of a kid to come up with making a rubber band into an object to shoot projectiles. Yep - I am talking about that evil little shiny booger the paper clip! I don't know what cesspool of a mind thought up that one, but my bet is that the kid who thought of it first was a Catholic School kid being taught by nuns and lectured to by priests. Just something about them that brings out the worst in a kid
You may be wondering if, after all these years, rubber bands have not been banned then why make a stink about them now! I'll tell you why - because they just keep on proving themselves to be absolutely evil that is why. I mean just take a look at what
If for some reason in the future that link goes down, then go to You Tube and search for: bump fire rubber band.
So now that you took some time to watch the video, while I took the time to search for rubber bands all to no avail, what do you think? I'll tell you what I think. I think I have spent enough time writing about this, and enough time looking for rubber bands I do not have; and I have come to the conclusion that I have two choices. I am going to either have to handcuff myself to something in my house and throw the key across the room, or I am going to give into temptation and go out to my local office supply store to buy myself a big box of thick rubber bands, just like the ones in that video, then grab my son's AK and some ammo and head to the range. Nope I am not waiting for him to get home from wherever he is, no sir - the temptation to go out and
Decisions - decisions all whilst being tempted by Siren's Song of the rubber band! I can hear them twanging now between the rat-tat-tats of the AK. You see, I told you they were evil those nasty rubber bands! They are the Saturday Night specials of the office supply world, cheap yet deadly. I wonder how it is that
All the best,
Where in Hades are those darned handcuffs when I need em??????????